I DIE EVERY DAY, SAYS PAUL

One Saturday early in the morning, I received a message from someone out of the blue who asked how I was getting on. 

        

        I thought this sister has 'changed,' but after a short conversation, I soon learnt that she was not interested in what I was telling her. 

Stateless Child

        While I was more interested in telling her that I was planning to help a 13-year-old child with SLE to raise funds for her medical treatment at Selayang Hospital, she had a different agenda. 

        Telling her a little bit of the story of the stateless child, I urged her to also sell her posters to help raise fund for the girl as well. She merely asked if she could donate some money to the girl but at that juncture, the family had not sorted out whose account should be used. I gave her the contact of the relative so that this lady could contact her directly as I did not want to be under any obligation to her.

        Although I have looked for an NGO to manage funds received from the public -- and I even suggested to the family ask the NGOs they are familiar with -- not a single one is willing to undertake the task. 

        While my job is just to arrange for the press interviews, I did not want a repeat of what happened to a former TV newscaster when donations became the hot topic, especially when I am using the press to raise funds. 

        The girl's auntie has come out with a great idea to work together with the child to do acrylic painting after discovering that she has a passion for the arts. That would help to raise funds for the girl without asking for donations, and at the same time helping her to develop a skill.

         What's the Message?

        I was suddenly asked the question, "Do reflect why God tiba2 out of d blue caused me to wake up with a vivid dream abt u." Then, came the story that she saw me vividly in the dream: that I died in her dream. She even sent me a picture from her journal: "Surprised to wake up dreaming Steven died." 

       To me, death is no longer a taboo. Since I was diagnosed of cancer of the prostate, death is something real. Although already treated, I live each day at a time, getting ready for the eventuality that death may happen at any moment. With Paul, I can say this: 

I affirm, brethren, by the boasting in you which I have in Christ Jesus our Lord, I die daily. (1 Corinthians 15:31) 

For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. (Philippians 1:21)

        Unlike her telling me God woke her up, I told this person, I would not dare to use God's name in case I am using His Name in vain. 

What is the Message then?

        Therefore, when I woke up this morning, when a thought flashed across my mind, I can only say, "Maybe the Lord has a message for this sister." 

        I was unceremoniously removed from a chat group where this lady is adminstrator. Several reasons were concocted but the drama that followed after my removal was nothing short of character assassination. I based this on input received from several quarters who were shocked with her way of discrediting me after removing me from the group.

        Our characters do not go together because she has been conditioned to be the 'big sister' (in Cantonese, the nuances of 'tai kar cheh' are more apparent) and I am one who takes no nonsense. I am also one who is quite open and transparent. If something has to be said, it is first said diplomatically to the person privately and discreetly; but if it still does not work and I have to be blunt, it is only the last resort. Even politicians who misbehave have received brickbats from me, but I am never short of praises if they do things right. I connect well with people from all walks of life. To me, people with honorifics make no difference to me.

        When I think about the picture again on my mind, I remember seeing the rosy lips. There were not the ordinary lips belonging to people who earn barely enough even to survive. They are painted with thick lipsticks. Immediately, it crosses my mind that the lips are the gossipping lips of people with great wealth and they happily engage in character assasination. 

        It is not only this person, but over the years, I have met people who are more than happy to gossip. Their gossips are sometimes hurting; others, I just laughed off. 

        For example, the wife of a leader told some people that I went to a church to sell my books without permission. It was as though I saw a table on the side and conveniently set up my book table. Having been a Christian for over 40 years, I know better than anyone that the moment someone did that, they would have been asked to evacuate. Obviously, this leader's wife did not know that I had the blessing from the senior pastor. Anyone who heard such a gossiper would immediately know that during the services, the pastors had, in fact, promoted my book. That's why I just laughed it off as kid's stuff, when I heard the feedback from a few brothers and sisters. 

        However, this sister mentioned in my earlier paragraphs claimed she received complaints from people within the chat group who said that I was soliciting funds using the name of the complainant's NGO. I dared her to give me the name of the person or at least the full story so that I could at least give my side of the story. You cannot make a conclusion unless you hear from the other side his story as well. 

Many Examples Elaborated

        This was when I had to give her a number of incidents where any fund raised went into the NGOs directly or through a foundation that is recognised such as the Institut Jantung Negara (IJN) Foundation. 

        It was only on a few occasions that I allowed my personal account to be used to receive the small amounts towards a good cause that I was trying to work on. However, I made sure I kept track of the amounts coming in and presented a full report to those who supported the good cause, including the receipts. 

        Even for one blind graduate that I was trying to launch into providing tuition on Zoom as a solution to her joblessness, the sponsorships went directly to the lady's personal account to pay for her tuition hours. 

        When I raised fund for a boy from Sabah who had kidney failure, the money went into SEMOA, but I also kept track of it. On top of it, I managed to secure help from SELCARE (Selangor Care) to pay for his treatment at IJN for his heart enlargement. The remainder of the money was given to him before he passed on. 

        IJN Foundation was used to raise funds for a heart surgery for a Pakistani girl whose mother was a teacher at a migrants school in Kepong. To assist a Myanmarese woman, whose baby had spina bifida, I had to come up with RM500 of personal funds; when attempts to get a waiver from the hospital director failed.

        The shoes for kids in a school in Sarawak were purchased using money that came into my personal account and I put together the amounts received and the bills given to me by my East Malaysian pastor and friend. 

My Message to Gossipers

        While I have my ways to get feedback, the gossipers should not blame others for telling me what they heard. In the first place, they should fear the God who watches all our actions. He disciplines us as His children because He loves us and refuses to condemn us for our sins. However, we should fear Him and avoid doing the wrong things. 

        There are two sides of the coin to the two verses in Hebrews 12:5-6:

and you have forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons, “MY SON, DO NOT REGARD LIGHTLY THE DISCIPLINE OF THE LORD,

NOR FAINT WHEN YOU ARE REPROVED BY HIM;

FOR THOSE WHOM THE LORD LOVES HE DISCIPLINES,
AND HE SCOURGES EVERY SON WHOM HE RECEIVES.”

        While I can openly say something and stand by it, I believe there are too many people in this corrupt world of ours that would throw a stone and hide their hands. 

        Know for sure that our salvation is based on Christ's finished work on the cross; otherwise none of us would ever be able meet God's standard of holiness to enter His eternal kingdom. And for those who watch and readily criticise the church for her weaknesses, remember that every lash of the whip-torn flesh that Jesus had to endure was in order to pay the penalty on your behalf. Every drop of blood that He had to shed on the cross is a symbol of God's love for you.